You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
