he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
