I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
