YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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