JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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