I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Oh god it's open bar.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
