If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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