So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
