I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
