i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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