I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
