apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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