So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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