Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My underwear smells like fireworks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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