i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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