At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The Olympian is in my bed
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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