thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
