If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
