then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
