I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
