This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
