I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
