I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
