Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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