i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
