She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
