We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
