did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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