glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
