Apparently you make a good broom.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
