Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
