talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
