Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
