what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
