What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I intend to get homeless drunk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
