She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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