Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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