We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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