i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
