I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
