Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
