I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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