Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
