did you get engaged???
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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