so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
