Life is so much better after having sex.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
