My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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