She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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