hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
