I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
