Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
