Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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