Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
God, I missed his penis.
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