I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
