watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
